A Team Effort
I remember it well. Over 8 years ago now at the beginning of our medical school journey I frequently got the advice, “Live your own life. Don’t wait around for him.” I appreciated receiving feedback and wisdom from those who had already begun their medical journey. While, much of this advice ran true, there was always a lingering thought in my mind that there must be a better way. I have learned that there must be an integration and balance between the lives of the physician and partner. The strength of this partnership and team mentality is a key component in reducing burnout not only in the physician, but as well as in the partner.
Neither my husband nor myself came from families of origins with physicians. It is safe to say we were somewhat naive as to what we were getting ourselves into. I was determined to pursue living our lives…to not put everything on hold for this endeavor or to merely be a spectator. I continued to plan and live my life when my husband was in training…I would hope he would be able to make certain events. But I didn’t cancel when he couldn’t. I was familiar to the ache that arose when he missed vacations, soccer games, dance recitals, new baby cuddles, or holidays. I allowed for that ache, but I didn’t let it engulf me. I was also determined to stay connected and turn toward one another. Looking back now I cherish our cafeteria dinners, the quick five-minute breaks that my kids could give him a hug, walks around campus; face time calls, celebrating my thirtieth birthday at the library with subway sandwiches the night before his exams. I am sure, as for many of you; the list of memories could go on. We had our fair share of trials and challenges, but I had felt that we pressed forward with a great deal of teamwork and fortitude.
But truth be told. What I wasn’t prepared for? Completing residency, getting to the light at the end of the tunnel and coming face to face with the question, “Was this worth it?” The cynic in me is likely to say no. This was not worth it. Thankfully, at heart I am much more of an optimist and am looking forward to a future that involves a resounding yes. However, to look at it from the lens of a realist there are flaws in the system that make success and well-being for the physician family challenging. We are nearing two years of being done with our formal training years. I have come to the conclusion that I was so determined and focused on helping my husband, our children and myself “make it to the end” that once the end came I found a whole new door of obstacles emerge as a practicing physician family. This I was not prepared for. This was not talked about. The weight and stress of the past training years compounded with a vengeance.
I recall finding out in our second year of medical school that not everyone who attended medical school would match, let alone in their specialty of choice. I was shocked and I am still shocked by this today. How could one spend so much time, sacrifice and money only not to match? Physicians are trained to heal others, yet have very little time to heal themselves. It is a sad dichotomy. Why are physicians treated as superhuman? Where has the long-standing stigma and shame come from surrounding seeking mental health support? Where are the additional resources, patience and kindness for physicians in training? Why is it that an increased number of medical students and residents are entering their careers already burned out? Why are more practicing physicians leaving practice early? Why is there an increase in physician burnout and suicide rates? Where is the support for malpractice lawsuits or false allegations that hover over a physician’s head like a dark cloud? Where is the support and resources for the physician’s family?
“There comes a point where we need to stop pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.” – Archbishop Desmond Tutu. This quote resonates with me in the world of medicine. Awareness and openness, curiosity and conversations are needed. I see doors opening and individuals recognizing and working together to assist in providing resources to help support physician families. This brings me hope for the future of practicing physicians. As a Clinical Social Worker myself, and married to one of the most resilient, positive people I know, I recognize we each have our breaking points. None of us are immune to the weight and stress of this profession. We each are human and it is our humanness that must be recognized in the world of medicine.
Physician families need each other’s support throughout this lifelong journey. So while I value the advice of finding my own path outside of my husband’s white coat…there is important truth to this. I also highly value the impact that physician partner’s can have in their families, which also impact the care of patients, healthcare systems, and our communities. I believe physician partner’s can greatly assist in creating a positive rippling effect by speaking up to create change in the field of medicine; to create a brighter future in healthcare, for physicians and for their families. That we may turn toward one another rather than away. That we may turn toward building solutions and looking upstream together.
Author Bio: Erika Behunin has her Masters in Social Work from the University of Utah and is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is starting up practice again after taking a break during her husband’s residency. Erika is married to a Family Medicine Physician and they have three vibrant, energetic children. Erika has found great joy in being their family’s “Chief Culture Officer.” Erika is passionate about helping Physician Families address burnout and increase resiliency throughout each phase of the medical journey.
By Erika Behunin